Showing posts with label Ashley Keeler. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Ashley Keeler. Show all posts

Monday, 16 May 2011

Week 40: 2 TEAMS, 2 POINTS, 2 DIFFERENCES.

It's that time of year again
Unbelievably, there are just 2 points separating First from Second in the league table, Pompey Puss and Woolyback Town AFC respectively.

Yes, 2 points.

Those 2 points will be fought over in the last week of the OFFL Championship by just 2 team positions.

FB: Leighton Baines EVE v Glen Johnson LIV
MF:       Dirk Kuyt LIV v Robin Van Der Vaart TOT

Forty weeks of scoring, of climbing up and down the League Table, of winning Manager of the Week Certificates, of trying to resist the temptation to create a junk mail filter for this weekly email... and it comes down to this.

The marathon has turned into a sprint.

This is as exciting as it's going to get.

[For this year, at any rate]

Meanwhile, Malcademicals failed to take advantage of the week to keep up the pressure and now look like 'doing an Arsenal' - dropping to fourth - as Russell Bielby's Livercoolio's week's score of 19 take them right up onto the Pratt's shoulder.

Manager of the Week, the penultimate week, is Ashley Keeler of Budleigh Salterton FC. He steered his seventh place team to a week's haul of 26 points, jumping two places into an unlikely seventh. Scant consolation for his failure to lead his team out onto the Wemmbley-Hogg turf. Scant consolation for us also as we were hoping to legitimately use that gag ages ago. [Wemmbley-Hogg? Budleigh Salterton? - Someone google it]

Mintal Disorder finally leaps past the 200 point mark and looks safe from her seemingly destined wooden spoon award as Tom Vamos takes occupancy of her bottom slot.

Cough.

And so...

The OFFL Cup Final

       REAL MCDRID  v  SHEEP CITY
      Craig McHugh     Martyn Field

And fighting it out for the OFFL Cup for these two teams are...

FB J O'Shea     MU  v  G Clichy    ARS 
FB P Bardsley  SUN  v  L Ridgewell BIR 
CB M Skrtel    LIV  v  D Shittu    BOL
CB B Hangeland FUL  v  R Shawcross STO 
MF F Malouda   CHE  v  F Lampard   CHE 
MF T Walcott   ARS  v  A Young      AV 
MF K Nolan     NEW  v  R Giggs      MU 
ST J Hernandez  MU  v  D Berbatov   MU 

Guaranteed to be more exciting than the Man City Stoke City bore-a-thon.

Enjoy the last week folks.

T h e   T a b l e
                                            Value Points
   Team                  Manager            (GBPm)Wk Tot
 --------------------------------------------------------
 1 Pompey Puss            Lionel Larking      55.0  2 414
 2 Woolyback Town AFC     Guy Harewood        54.9  4 412
 3 Fat Mal's MalcademicalsMalcolm Pratt       52.8  9 402
 4 Livercoolio            Russell Bielby      54.9 19 400
 5 Stay Poyet Stay!       Nick Reed           53.0 20 394
 6 BM Mingmongs           Neil McConaghy      52.4  9 387
 7 Budleigh Salterton FC  Ashley Keeler       54.6 26 380
 8 Shamone Muddy FunkstersDave Clayton        53.3  6 367
 9 Inter Milandrover      Smasher             53.7  2 364
10 RS T-Boy               Rick Beecroft       54.6  1 340
11 Freddie's Dreamers     Francis Fox         54.9 15 338
12 Sheep City             Martyn Field        55.0  7 335
13 Marmaduke's Army       Edgar Rayner        54.9  2 334
14 Salad Dodgers          Sarah Bingham       53.5  0 330
15 Real Mcdrid            Craig McHugh        53.1  6 313
15 Wardy's Wanderers      Gavin Ward          54.9  3 313
15 Moanchester Utd        Alex Blundell       55.0  6 313
18 All Hail The Chairman  Rob Ivison          52.2  5 308
19 Dube Stars FC          Khumbula Dube       54.1  6 304
20 Irishpool              Mike Smears         52.3  3 301
21 Wymondham Wanderers    Steve Tierney       52.7  0 300
22 Lashings of Cheese     Chris Walsh         53.5  4 293
23 Nuttingham Florist     Andy Straw          52.2  4 281
24 Menarepigs3            Kate Wilson         54.2 13 265
25 Radnorshire Tigers     Alun Edwards        52.9  3 260
26 Just One Finger Albion Paddy Mirams        54.2  8 238
27 Moobchester United     Jonathan King       54.9 18 232
28 Double's Utd           Rachel Jones        54.4  8 224
29 Mintal Disorder        Minty Colquhoun     52.7  6 205
30 West Vam               Tom Vamos           54.8  6 188




                          Week's Average Points         7
                          Total Average Points        317

Monday, 4 April 2011

Week 33/34: OFFL Quarter Final Results

T h e   T a b l e
                                            Value Points
   Team                  Manager            (GBPm)Wk Tot
 --------------------------------------------------------
 1 Woolyback Town AFC     Guy Harewood        54.4  4 348
 2 Fat Mal's MalcademicalsMalcolm Pratt       52.8 11 346
 3 Pompey Puss            Lionel Larking      53.2  8 344
 4 BM Mingmongs           Neil McConaghy      54.2 14 336
 5 Livercoolio            Russell Bielby      54.9 11 324
 6 Shamone Muddy FunkstersDave Clayton        53.3 16 319
 7 Stay Poyet Stay!       Nick Reed           52.6 11 310
 8 Inter Milandrover      Smasher             53.7  3 306
 8 RS T-Boy               Rick Beecroft       54.6  8 306
10 Budleigh Salterton FC  Ashley Keeler       54.6 24 301
11 Marmaduke's Army       Edgar Rayner        54.9 14 296
12 Wardy's Wanderers      Gavin Ward          54.9  2 292
13 Sheep City             Martyn Field        55.0 13 283
14 Salad Dodgers          Sarah Bingham       53.5 11 282
15 Wymondham Wanderers    Steve Tierney       52.7  8 270
15 Irishpool              Mike Smears         55.0 12 270
17 Moanchester Utd        Alex Blundell       55.0 10 267
18 Freddie's Dreamers     Francis Fox         54.9 16 262
19 Nuttingham Florist     Andy Straw          52.2 16 259
20 Lashings of Cheese     Chris Walsh         53.5 16 256
21 Dube Stars FC          Khumbula Dube       54.1 13 254
22 All Hail The Chairman  Rob Ivison          52.2  1 248
22 Real Mcdrid            Craig McHugh        54.5 16 248
24 Radnorshire Tigers     Alun Edwards        52.9  5 218
25 Menarepigs3            Kate Wilson         54.2 15 197
26 Just One Finger Albion Paddy Mirams        54.2 12 196
27 Double's Utd           Rachel Jones        54.4  9 188
28 Moobchester United     Jonathan King       54.9 16 167
29 Mintal Disorder        Minty Colquhoun     52.7  5 164
30 West Vam               Tom Vamos           54.8 19 139


                          Week's Average Points        11
                          Total Average Points        266
---

Manager of the Week, Ashley Keeler, has managed to steer his steers, Budleigh Salterton FC, to weekly tally of 24 points. More than double the week's mean score.

But enough of that nonsense... in a break from tradition let us have a peek at the Transfer Submissions preceding the cup ties.

A reminder, first, of the fixtures...

=======================
OFFL Cup Quarter Finals, Week 34
---

Sheep City       v  Woolyback Town AFC
Pompey Puss      v  Salad Dodgers
Real Mcdrid      v  Moobchester United
Stay Poyet Stay! v  RS T-Boy


------------------------------------------------------------
T r a n s f e r s   a n d   s t u f f
============================================================

Woolyback Town AFC
-------------------
   From: Guy Harewood
     To: Chairman@LittleSmasher.com
Subject: Studmarks: OFFL Week 32

Ooooooooooooooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Buttocks clenched and sweat wiped from brow. Is this the right thing to do and the right time to do it. Funk it (in case there are kids watching), here goes.

Dear Chair-chimp,

Please make the following changes to my top of the table team (fingers crossed they stay there).

Out
Kolo 'Slim' Toure
Bakary 'and coke' Sagna
Didier 'nothing springs to mind' Drogba

In
250 John 'JT' 'El Capitano' 'Divides Opinion' Terry
172 Ashely 'Shotgun' Cole
529 Andy 'Scouse' Carroll

Do it quick before I change my mind.

Love and hugs,

Benny
----------------------
Chairman responds:
You're actually trying to win this thing aren't you?

Cooool.

===========================================================

And now for the results...

========
OFFL Cup
--------
Quarter Finals, Results

     Sheep City   13 v   4  Woolyback Town AFC
    Pompey Puss    8 v  11  Salad Dodgers
    Real Mcdrid*  16 v  16  Moobchester United
Stay Poyet Stay!  11 v   8  RS T-Boy

* Real Mcdrid go through on Points per Pound difference.

OK, so 'figurine' might be a rather glamorous descriptor.
So there you have it, it looks like the Double will not be happening this season as current league leaders, Woolyback Town AFC get flocked as they're hoofed out of the cup by some Sheep.

A paw performance from Pompey Puss also sees a fluffy exit for Lionel Larking as Sarah Bingham's Salad Dodgers mmmmiaow past, through to the Semi's.

Meanwhile, Moobchester United's sole mission to win the cup has finally died in a drawn draw against Real Mcdrid. The tie may have been tied but it was Real Mcdrid's Points Per Pound difference that proved superior.

The new favourite to lift the cup, and run off with the Fabio Capello 'figurine', is Stay Poyet Stay! Nick Reed's team shimmies past the great RS T-Boy while also jumping above his defeated opponent, Rick Beecroft, in the table. The League is looking forward to Mr Reed's inevitable ukulele cup anthem to storm the charts.

How terribly, terribly exciting.

Monday, 21 February 2011

Week 28: Ashley Cole Keeler

Manager of the Week is Ashley Keeler who netted a disappointing 7 points for his Budleigh Salterton FC. Could have been worse. He could have shot someone at the training ground.